When's the best time to break out a funny joke? Any time!
After all, there's never a bad time for a good dad joke because even when they're groan-worthy (and, let's face it, most of them are), they're still hilarious. Better yet, they aren't just for dads. Nope, moms, grandpas, kids and pretty much anyone else can bring the fun to any occasion with a well-timed one-liner.
To help replenish your arsenal of anecdotes, we've compiled the best short jokes to ensure that you're never without a silly pun or corny gag at the ready.
You'll be a one-man or woman show with these knee-slappers that are super dumb and, yet, are certain to put a smile on your face, if not have you full-on laughing.
Use 'em at the next family gathering as ice-breakers or get your pals chuckling at the next night out. Whatever the occasion, these short jokes will be just the comic relief you're looking for.
For instance, what do you call a crocodile wearing a vest? An investigator, naturally.
What about this one: What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
How about: What did the T-rex say to the velociraptor? Nothing, they’re extinct.
So, so terrible. But funny, no? Which is exactly what you've come to us for.
Even if you keep these short-but-sweet gems all to yourself and quietly giggle your way through the list, we promise that by the time you're done, your funny bone will be thoroughly tickled.
Funny jokes
- Why shouldn't you marry a calendar? Its days are numbered.
- What do you call people who sleep in their socks? Tiny.
- Why was the broom late for school? It over-swept.
- What did the comforter say after falling off the bed? Oh, sheet!
- How much do you pay deer for a day's work? A hundred bucks.
- Why don't trees watch scary movies? They get petrified.
- Are all math puns bad? No, just sum.
- What does a house wear? Address.
- I got rid of my vacuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust.
- What did the Dalmatian say after dinner? "Woof, that hit the spot!"
- What kind of bug tells time? A clock roach.
- What did one beer say to the other? It's ale good.
- What do you call coffee with a six sense? Déjà brew.
- What's a llama's favorite movie? "Alpaca-lypse Now."
- Why shouldn't you make a dinosaur mad? Because you'll get Jurass-kicked.
- What do math books wear under their covers? Alge-bras.
- What do you say to an award-winning cheese? "Gouda job!"
- How do movie stars stay cool? They have many fans.
- It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
- Where do rabbits go for breakfast? IHOP.
- Why did the belt get arrested? It held up a pair of pants.
- I excel at sleeping. In fact, I can do it with my eyes closed.
- Why did the cloud stay home from school? It was feeling under the weather.
- Why shouldn't you tell a legume your secrets? They always spill the beans.
- Did you hear about the polite clown? It was a nice jester.
- What do you call a crocodile wearing a vest? An investigator.
Short jokes for kids
- What did the man say to his fingers? I’m counting on you.
- How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
- Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Summer wasn’t bad either.
- How do pigs do their homework? With a pigpen.
- How do you hire a horse? Put it on a ladder.
- What do pigs use in the shower? Hogwash.
- How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste.
- What’s the pirate’s favorite letter? The “C.”
- What’s the best way to host a party in space? You planet.
- What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
- What kind of witch goes to the beach? A sandwich.
- What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
- Why did the sauna go to the doctor? It wasn’t feeling so hot.
- Why did the owl quit its job? It didn’t give a hoot.
- How much do dead batteries cost? There should be no charge.
- Did you hear about the soap-stealing robber? He decided to come clean.
- I used to be afraid of painting, but eventually I brushed it off.
- Why don’t people play more hide-and-seek? Because good players are hard to find.
- What did one eye say to the other? Between us, something smells.
- Why are astronauts so clean? They take meteor showers.
- When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.
- What did the hamburgers name their new baby? Patty.
- One did the T-rex say to the velociraptor? Nothing, they’re extinct.
- Why shouldn’t you trust jungle animals? They’re always lion.
- What’s the best way to make an egg roll? Push it.
- Why did the leaf go to the doctor? It had a bad fall.
- How do you make a squid laugh? Give it ten-tickles.
Short jokes for adults
- What’s a zebra? A few sizes bigger than an A.
- I don’t like shopping centers. Once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen the mall.
- What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
- I used to have an addiction to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
- Why did the golfer cry? He was going through a rough patch.
- Why did the woman throw her bills out the window? She wanted to send them via airmail.
- What do cows do on date night? Go to the moo-vies.
- Did you hear about the tree that went into banking? It started its own branch.
- What happened to the archeologist who lost her job? Her career was in ruins.
- How does a lumberjack know how many trees he’s cut down? He keeps a log.
- Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.
- Did you hear about the broken guitar for sale? You can buy it with no strings attached.
- Did you hear about the woman who couldn’t stop collecting magazines? She had issues.
- Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Any idea how to drive this thing?”
- I once made a lot of money cleaning up leaves. I was raking it in.
- I’m not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.
- Why was the math book down in the dumps? It had a lot of problems.
- Why do barbers make good drivers? They know a lot of short cuts.
- Why did the elephant leave the circus? It was sick of working for peanuts.
- Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
- What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag’s a plus.
- Did you hear about the ski trip? It started off fine but went downhill fast.
- How do you know when a computer is on a diet? It quits eating after only one byte.
Short one-liners that are actually funny
- I wanted to take a bath. But then decided to leave it where it is.
- I’d tell you a pizza joke, but it’s probably too cheesy.
- I try not to tell dad jokes. But when I do, he thinks they’re funny.
- What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.
- Why should you avoid artists? They tend to be sketchy.
- I’m afraid of elevators, so I take steps to avoid them.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping? They woke her up.
- My mom asked me to put the cat out. I didn’t know it was on fire.
- What do you call a pencil with two erasers? Pointless.
- When is a pool safe for diving? It deep ends.
- Have you ever been camping? It’s in tents.
- I once read a book about glue. I couldn’t put it down.
- Why shouldn't you eat a clock? It’s too time-consuming.
- Did you hear about the car with logs for wheels? It wooden go.
- What did one playing card say to the other? I can’t deal with you.
- Did you hear about the broken hearing aid? Wait, what?
- What do you call a cow with bad manners? Beef jerky.
- What kind of birds eat at the deli? Bagels.
- Why didn’t the elf pay his rent? He was a little short.
- Why shouldn’t you eat clowns? They taste funny.
- Why did the computer hate commuting to work? It had a hard drive.
- When does a dad joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
- A bossy man walked into a bar. Then ordered everyone a round.
- I only catch cold on weekdays. Probably because I have a weekend immune system.
- Why did the roofer go to the doctor? He had shingles.
