Humor & Cartoons
Shouts & Murmurs
Arrow Retriever
Arrow retrieving is a young man’s game. First your back and elbows go, from the constant tugging. Then you get tinnitus, from the loud screaming.
By Jack Handey
Shouts & Murmurs
Isn’t It Byronic?
“Well, life has a funny way of / Creeping up on you when you think / Everything’s goin’ great. / Then, boom, you fall in love with your sister.”
By Eli Burnstein
Film by Marc Philippe Eskenazi
Shouts & Murmurs
America!: A Chaos Demon from the Underworld Shares His Tips on Streamlining Congress
I’m truly inspired by the surreal dysfunction of your Congress—but isn’t it a little over the top?
By Ali Fitzgerald
Shouts & Murmurs
Reasons That I, a Middle-Aged Woman, Am Late to This Meeting
Lost track of time ruminating on the myriad ways I’ve failed my children.
By Wendi Aarons and Emily Flake
Shouts & Murmurs
Horoscopes Written by My Mother
With Saturn rising, you might feel the astrological pull of stubbornness in your sixth house. Like when Bess waited thirteen hours before she got the epidural.
By Bess Kalb
We provide a cartoon, you provide a caption. Enter this week’s contest.
Daily Cartoons
1/15
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Peruse a gallery ofcartoons from the issue »
Comics
Sketchpad
What Sleepy Trump Dreams About at Trial
Mashed-potato nightmares! Kafka in the Oval Office! And other things going through the mind of the nap-happy ex-President in court.
By Barry Blitt
Blitt’s Kvetchbook
Up in Arms at Columbia University
Demonstrations and counter-demonstrations on campus and beyond.
By Barry Blitt
Shouts & Murmurs
Writers, Writers, Everywhere
The protagonist in every movie I’ve seen this month has been a struggling writer of some sort.
By Zoe Si
Shouts & Murmurs
Anthropology of the Playground
Once you start visiting the playground daily, you will become familiar with the regulars.
By Liana Finck
Tortured Poet Laureate
Shouts & Murmurs
Other Phrases Trademarked by Taylor Swift
“Welcome to New York,” “That Sick Beat,” “Welcome to Newark,” and more.
By Will Stephen
Shouts & Murmurs
Taylor Swift Friendship Bracelets for Beatles Lovers
“It’s me, hi, I’m the Walrus, it’s me,” and other crossovers.
By Erica Lies
Illustration by Elly Lonon
Shouts & Murmurs
Song Lyrics About My Teen-Age Years If I Were Taylor Swift
Bagels at Panera, hazelnut coffee at Panera. Wishing I was a grownup. Caffeine makes me feel.
By Molly Devane
Shouts & Murmurs
Ideas for How Taylor Swift Can Harness Her Powers for Good
When Taylor posted on Instagram urging people to register to vote, tens of thousands signed up. The Illuminati wish they had this kind of power.
By Meghana Indurti
More Humor
Shouts & Murmurs
Board Games for Liberals
Media Charades: Can you get your teammates to pay for the information they need to guess what’s going on?
By Ethan Kuperberg
Shouts & Murmurs
Recommendations from the Guy Who Works at Your Local Dispensary
Turpentine Gelato, Fiscal Daydream, and . . . what was the question again?
By David Machajewski and Will Santino
Shouts & Murmurs
Ideas for the New York City Officials Implementing Rat Birth Control
Encourage male rats to recount the plots of “Dune” and “Dune: Part Two” on first dates.
By Meg Richardson
Shouts & Murmurs
How I Use the Internet, According to Nineties Action Movies
I pull up a digitized photo on the screen. Leaning in, I drag a bright-green box around a detail in the image, type rapidly for a full fifteen seconds, and then softly say, “Enhance.”
By James Folta
Shouts & Murmurs
Stories from the Trump Bible
And Jesus said to Pontius Pilate, “This trial is very unfair. You are a corrupt judge, and your wife is a very nasty woman.”
By Bruce Headlam and Stephen Sherrill
Sketchbook
Overheard in New York: Waiting for the Eclipse at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden
“She’s a flat-earther.”
By Anjali Chandrashekar
Shouts & Murmurs
U.F.C. Fighter on How to Protect Yourself from Being Swept Off Your Feet
The Eye Gouge: The eye gouge prevents love at first sight by ending their sight. This is why the Three Stooges never got laid.
By Evan Waite
Shouts & Murmurs
I Can’t Stop Calling the National Guard
I called the National Guard when I overbaked my brownies and my smoke alarm went off; I called the National Guard when I underbaked my brownies and I was worried they might make me sick.
By Charlie Dektar
Shouts & Murmurs
Old-Fashioned Know-How
Kids today! You ever fought a forest fire that you yourself started? You ever had thirteen kids by seventeen different women?
By Alexis Wilkinson