and they don't involve singing OR cake
Dear UC-
I’m writing this letter on behalf of Rob, who’s calling in his birthday wishes to you, he would write it himself on his “Robert Pattinson, Sexist Man at Large” monogrammed, letter pressed stationary I gave him for his birthday, spritzed with a scent of Rob Musk (his own personal brand of cologne made from virgin tears and old Nike shoe leather) but he’s cornered by some TwiMom stalkers behind a hot dog cart in New York City. Poor kid.
But never fret cause I, Moon, your trusty bloggy partner is here to help Rob relieve relay his wishes to you…
Wish 1 – While you’re in NYC this weekend you will be able to lose your dear Hubster and rendezvous at that predetermined dumpster behind Pastis for a little birthday lunch fun times
Wish 2 – Please stop speculation Thursdays and Wednesdays because the speculation is OVER, he loves you and only you and not some girl who dumped her italian spice named boyfriend. Like she could EVER compare to your beauty, wit, charm, creativity and penchant for all things “that’s what she said.” Team Robchoice (or maybe Robtended?)
I know you love it when I sing
Wish 3 – After he saw that horrific GIF of himself “pole dancing” he asked to borrow the pole from my house to show you his REAL moves. Cue his Warrant / Poison “Pole Megamix”
Wish 4 – Hold very still! He wants to try one thing… don’t move…
Wish 5 – Please use your arts and crafts abilities to make Pattinson Pants for every LTR reader, along with matching Eclipse Keds and Canvas tote bags with his face on them. That way he’ll know we’re all TRUE fans. Ok, ok, maybe I fibbed a little on that one, he actually said find every piece ever made and rip them apart and burns the pieces at a celebratory bon fire, while singing “Celebration” by Kool and the Gang in his honor.
Why only 5 wishes? He wanted to SHOW you the other 21 himself. His words, not mine.
Well when he puts it that way, how can you resist??
Join with us after the cut as Rob throws UC a very special CONCERT for her birthday
Rob wanted to have a special concert in honor of your birthday
First to the stage… why ROB himself!!
Robert Pattinson – Stray Dog
Ignore those bitches talking through your birthday concert… I’m going to kick their arses
Robert Pattinson – I Was Broken
Rob treats you to a cover of the great Van’s “I’ll Be Your Lover Too.” Don’t cry.
Then since Rob wanted to treat you EXTRA special on this day he invited these lovely gals to come serenade you! How’d he KNOW?!!
Hayley from Paramore
Paramore -When it Rains – live
Katy Perry
Katy Perry – Thinking of You
It’s awesome how he knew THIS was the best version of this song… such a smart boy.
Then he KNEW the quad would want to wish you an extra special day AND also invite their favorites to play at your birthday concert. No worries this is all on Rob’s credit card, so we spared NO expense!
EastFriend:
Rob’ll serenade UC with The Beatles tune, “I Will,” acoustic-style. In a dimly lit, super smokey bar…a bottle of Jack on the stool next to him.
East Friend’s Birthday Greetings:
Dear UC,
50 Cent – In the Club
Westfriend:
All silliness aside, you are one of the dearest friends, and I love you! Happy bday girl!
And after that club banger, how could the night get any better? So you see dearest your birthday is pretty awesome and we love you lots and lots in special hugs kinds of ways!
XO and the biggest HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVER!
Themoonisdown and Rob
PS I tried to get that guy from Santa Monica Pier to sing “Hallelujah” on video just for you but he yelled and me and chased after the pigeons. Sorry! NEXT YEAR!
Letters to Rob 
Some seriously good tunes there!
Great post Moon, and Happy Birthday UC.
Have fuuuuuuuunnnnn!!!
SG xoxoxoxoxoxox
By: summergirl on June 4, 2009
at 8:21 am
Happy Birthday UC – Have a wonderful Day!! 🙂
By: beurlover2 on June 4, 2009
at 8:21 am
Happy Birthday, UC!
My (all) your New York dreams come true!
Here’s a HAVE MERCY right back at you.
Have Mercy on your Birthday.
By: Natalie on June 4, 2009
at 8:22 am
That should read May, not My.
By: Natalie on June 4, 2009
at 8:23 am
Happy birthday UC! I’m magic mirror wishing you one Rob popping out of a cake! Have a fantabulous day!!!
By: Hot Damn on June 4, 2009
at 8:23 am
GREAT post! Happy Birthday UC! Have an absolutely awesome day! 🙂
By: ashleighjoelle on June 4, 2009
at 8:28 am
Happy Birthday!! Enjoy all your wishes from Rob!!
By: French_Nugget on June 4, 2009
at 8:30 am
Unicorns. Freaking unicorns.
You could have warned.
I’ll bet Rob gives good unicorn.
By: Natalie on June 4, 2009
at 9:10 am
Ahhhh to have unicorns from Rob would be…HEAVEN!!!
By: krazykidd on June 4, 2009
at 9:20 am
It would certainly be something…
By: Natalie on June 4, 2009
at 9:21 am
LOL, there’s nothing I could’ve done that would’ve prepared you for the Unicorn!
Oh yes!!! A Unicorn from Rob would be the ultimate pleasure! Maybe we should add that to UC’s birthday list….
By: French_Nugget on June 4, 2009
at 1:17 pm
Happy Birthday, UC!
Today I pray hedges of protection over your life, while singing Smitty’s “Friends,” and making you a customized WWJD hemp bracelet.
With Rob.
By: Leigh Anne on June 4, 2009
at 8:35 am
Love it! Another Kindred spirit!
By: Proselyte3 on June 4, 2009
at 9:38 am
HEMP!! theres a first
By: themoonisdown on June 4, 2009
at 3:06 pm
BRILLIANT!!!!
By: dazzled on June 4, 2009
at 9:00 am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY UC!!!
Wow, Rob really put together some good wishes for you–and that gorgeous picture of himself on your card is definitley a keeper!
Enjoy that concert he has lined up for you. It’s sure to melt your heart–and more….
Celebrate like there’s no tomorrow!
By: EyeC on June 4, 2009
at 9:10 am
Happy “burfday” (again), UC! Have fun Rob stalking…I mean, chillin’, in NYC!
BTW, does anyone know how long he’s supposed to be there? I have plans with the besties to go on the 27th. I plan to entice him with my preggo bod. With any luck, my boobs will be a whole cup size larger by then! 🙂 Snort!
By: Steph on June 4, 2009
at 9:12 am
Happy birthday UC!
Have a great day!
By: Manon on June 4, 2009
at 9:13 am
Happy Birthday UC!
hope you have a lovely day!
By: miss sparkles on June 4, 2009
at 9:15 am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY UC…HAVE A GREAT DAY…LUV YA MORE THAN LOTS!!!!! ❤ 😀
By: krazykidd on June 4, 2009
at 9:19 am
Happy BD UC! Are you glad your life has come to this? don’t forget to thank moon for her wonderful letter!
By: Natasha Blackmore on June 4, 2009
at 9:27 am
Happy birthday UC! I hope it’s Robtabulous! =)
By: pange on June 4, 2009
at 9:27 am
Happy Birthday, UC.
By: itsjustme1217 on June 4, 2009
at 9:27 am
It’s simple. You got your wish. Rob loves you and only you.
Just make sure to take pictures and for posterity.
By: sassysmart on June 4, 2009
at 9:30 am
Happy Birthday UC!!!!!!!
By: C2R on June 4, 2009
at 9:32 am
Hoping you have a humping HHH Happy Birthday U.C. no-one deserves it more than you…..
Loved the concert just what you need to play in the background ENJOY<3
By: Rubytuesday on June 4, 2009
at 9:33 am
@UC…FANTASTIC birthday wishes for you my friend! Enjoy every moment thoroughly!
New York is it???? Well, you are just a wee bit away from me now…wish you could swing by and hang. Have a super time!
Things to Do on your Twenty-Sixth Birthday
(along the same vein as yesterday…)
1. Eat A LOT of NY food! Street meat, overpriced eateries, cupcakes, and the like. Do it now before your metabolism knows what hit it…trust me.
2. Hug your 26 year old bum…take pictures of it,
buy it expensive creams with questionable ingredients, revel in it…trust me.
3. Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, take a cab through Harlem with a driver that has plastic lizards resting on his dashboard….trust me.
4. Take Rob up on every last beautiful and disreputable birthday offer his has made to you…trust me!
xoxo
P.S. @Moon/East/West…Superb music selections!
By: Proselyte3 on June 4, 2009
at 9:36 am
Dear UC,
Just picked Rob up at the airport… he seems to be quite feisty this morning so i hope you realize how particularly difficult it has been on this drive to not pull over on the side of 95 and ravage him. Oh God… he’s giving me eyes. crap. focus calli, focus. Okay, i’m bringing him to you. Be ready. You might want to find somewhere soundproof… yes, i just said that… but you’ll understand once you see him. He’s ready to pounce. Anyways, your lucky it’s your birthday, bc only on days like these can i be totally selfless.
Happy Birthday Lover,
calli
p.s. okay so maybe i’m not completely selfless and there was some heavy petting when he got in the car… but that’s all. promise.
By: Calliope on June 4, 2009
at 9:36 am
Your sacrifice is duly noted. All in the name loyality, this is the sign of a true friend.
Now, I’m a two hour drive away…once UC has had her fill (woo!), pop him back in the car and book it up here.
By: Proselyte3 on June 4, 2009
at 9:42 am
Does one every really have their fill of Rob?
hehe.
By: Calliope on June 4, 2009
at 10:00 am
Hey Calli, I’m just sayin I’m willing to test out this theory. Cause I’m all about research….and, ah, development. Yeah, I said it….and that’s what she said! xo
By: Proselyte3 on June 4, 2009
at 10:15 am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY UC!! 🙂
By: tracyvanhorne on June 4, 2009
at 10:03 am
Okay, so now I have a 50 Cent ear-worm and I’l be singing that damned song all day. But UC, you are so worth it! Hope your B/D is Robulous!
By: swansong on June 4, 2009
at 10:09 am
Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear UC, happy birthday to you..
Moon – there you go with the twi-mom reference again. You make me want to sell my kids on the black market just so I can fit in better.
Maybe we could get JAG’s RaOR fakeRob to wish UC a special happy birthday. Hope you don’t mind going lesbo for a day cuz I think fakeRob is actually Roberta and a SAHM from the burbs of Chicago.
By: WastingTheMorning on June 4, 2009
at 10:14 am
not all moms who likes twilight are twimoms!! remember?!
By: themoonisdown on June 4, 2009
at 3:09 pm
Oh yeah – I keep forgetting. Too many drugs in the 90’s. Only the short term memory works now. Wait – what were we talking about again? Who’s Robert Pattinson?
By: WastingTheMorning on June 4, 2009
at 3:54 pm
Feliz Cumpleaños, UC!!!
Have a great birthday, say hi to Robert from me, and please leave him wondering what hit him! lol
By: Dany on June 4, 2009
at 10:19 am
Happy birthday UC! May ALL your wishes come true! 🙂
By: DanaB on June 4, 2009
at 10:20 am
omg…. i’m dying of laughter. and of feeling special in my heart. THANK YOU EVERYONE. and EastFriend.. you NEED to do a rap for video for all the world to see. that was brilliant!
Dammit, Moon, I really wanted that Hallelujah guy!
By: unintendedchoice on June 4, 2009
at 10:21 am
i tried!!
By: themoonisdown on June 4, 2009
at 3:11 pm
UC + NY + ROB = “special hugs” 😉
By: brummielover on June 4, 2009
at 10:24 am
Happy Birthday UC! I hope you have a Robtastic day! x
By: savannahbeech on June 4, 2009
at 10:29 am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY UC!!!! *smooooooches*
Moon, you just HAD to use jawporn pic-ys didn’t you? Knowing what they’d do to me? 😉 You are so creative, girl.
I ❤ you both.
Hope you have a great day UC! And have fun in NYC!
By: Marta on June 4, 2009
at 10:29 am
UC,
Have a very happy birthday!!!!!
Big fake lesbian smooches and puffy heart loves,
mwah!
LPB
By: LaPush Baby on June 4, 2009
at 10:32 am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY UC 🙂
ALL THE BEST
By: niahid on June 4, 2009
at 10:38 am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SNARKY BEE-ATCH!!
Hope you have crazy day filled with Rob Goodness! (ifyouknowwhatimean&ithinkyoudo)
By: Janetrigs on June 4, 2009
at 10:43 am
Happy birthday UC! I wish you the best! I hope that you can see every rob porn in the world today!
God bless you!
¡FELIZ CUMPLEAÑOS CHICA!
By: libby on June 4, 2009
at 10:45 am
UC-
Happy Birthday!! Enjoy your day and I hope that you can blow out Rob’s “special candle”! : )
By: Sharpie on June 4, 2009
at 10:52 am
Happy Birthday, UC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Too bad we’re not having a big party in…
…a big big house
With lots and lots a room
A big big table
With lots and lots of food
A big big yard
Where we can play football…
Some Audio Adrenaline just for you because it seriously just started playing! Hope your birthday is wonderful!
By: PinkFluff on June 4, 2009
at 10:56 am
OMG! nice! i was totally doing the choreography in my mind to BIG HOUSE!
By: themoonisdown on June 4, 2009
at 3:12 pm
Happy birthday UC!!
I’m off to help moon get those bitches who talk during Robbie’s songs. Who the eff do they think they are?
By: Amber on June 4, 2009
at 10:57 am
The concert was amazing! Thanks for inviting all of us! 🙂 You and Moon rock our world! Happy Birthday friend! 🙂 xoxo!
By: Kristin on June 4, 2009
at 11:08 am
Success, UC!
On my walk to work this morning through SoHo I spotted a homeless gentleman sporting ROB’S SNEAKERS! THE VERY SAME. I can only assume he found them next to a dumpster where Rob had removed them prior to your rendezvous, and that you’re now walking around the city with a shoeless and satisfied Rob.
By: Carrie on June 4, 2009
at 11:15 am
happy birthday..get drunk and make bad decisions!
By: Melissa on June 4, 2009
at 11:32 am
We share *NEARLY* the same birthday. Mine was two days ago!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
🙂 Hope it’s filled with lots of Rob and cake!
By: domisgone on June 4, 2009
at 11:47 am
Feliz Aniversário UC!
Happy Birthday UC! 🙂
Wishing you tons of “Special hugs” behind the dumpster and then ~all night long~ at one of those cute BUNGALOWS!
xoxo
By: Giseli on June 4, 2009
at 11:52 am
Awwwww, you have the best friends, UC!! We love you too and have a hap hap happy birthday…and maaaannnyyy moooooooorrreee!!!!
Myria….OUT!
By: myria101 on June 4, 2009
at 11:54 am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR UC!!!!
I wish you Rob, Isle Esme and tons of chocolate!!!
Love
ANDREA
By: ANDREA on June 4, 2009
at 11:56 am
Dear UC,
Happy B-day. We send your present – Rob – to East Coast just for you.
Love, Summit
By: jellybeanrainbow on June 4, 2009
at 11:59 am
Happy Birthday!!!
UC, wishing you life filled with more happieness, satisfaction, contentment, health and bliss. Also wishing you to do whatever you want to do today and whoever you want to do today, ;).
love you
maygirl
By: maygirlg on June 4, 2009
at 12:05 pm
UC:
Happy Birthday! When you get back from New York, wearing your I ❤ NY t-shirt, we'll know WHY you love New York! Those birthday spankings can be very nice when done right. Enjoy your Rob time. Have a wonderful birthday!
By: Freya on June 4, 2009
at 12:06 pm
Great post girls …as usual you are hilarious!
UC Happy Birthday you lucky girl!! Those are some pretty slammin (yes, I said slammin) bday wishes. I knew you were gonna get spoiled 😉
By: MrsKowski on June 4, 2009
at 12:33 pm
Happy Birthday UC!
Good luck with the Rob stalking this weekend – I hope you get really lucky – like trapped in an elevator with him kind of lucky!
O yeah – and Moon – WTM is right! Please don’t pick on us twimoms!!!
By: milfy goodness on June 4, 2009
at 12:35 pm
moms who love twilight are not ALL twimoms! we tlaked about this! you’re fine!
By: themoonisdown on June 4, 2009
at 3:17 pm